Glitches
by video games and other stuff
Summary: Our four zombie killing friends have found their way into Kino der Toten. But when they come face to face with the demonic announcer, what will their next move be? And what's with that voice in their heads? A collaboration with SLY123, and my fourth fanfic.
1. An Unlucky Day

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Call of Duty or Treyarch. Put more legal phrases here.**

**Hello readers! I'm back, with this fanfic that's a collaboration with SLY123! Him and I are going to discuss through reviews (he can't get an account), so...try not to spoil anything for yourself ) . Anyway, this is going to feature Dempsey, Nikolai, Takeo, and Richtofen...through the first person perspective, as well as my first shot at incorporating humor. Enjoy!**

Glitches

Chapter 1

**Dempsey**

"Uhh…where are we?" I said after the teleporter had finished winding down.

"And vhen?" a German voice added. That voice belonged to the lovely and compassionate Dr. Richtofen, my best friend in the whole wide world and whom I wished to stay in touch with forever. Of course I'm not being serious, reader! Don't you understand sarcasm?

"No power! Just like home," Nikolai commented. Yep, as usual, we would have to find the power switch before we could do anything.

I heard the familiar groans and moans of some freakbags, and drew my Colt (seriously, why do all our guns get taken away after teleporting?). "Let's do this," I growled.

We four had landed in some kind of lobby, with two sets of stairs leading up. Nazi flags were hung up on the walls and draped over the railings. But first things first – we had to kill the maggotsacks that were trying to get in through the window.

"This gun sucks…but it'll do," I said to myself as I fired my Colt. Since the meatheads were too dumb to back off, I could shoot them in the head like nobody's business. Too bad headshots didn't kill them instantly.

"_That would make the game too easy,"_ a voice whispered.

"What the hell?!" I whirled around. Did you say that, reader? No? Hmph. Must have been my imagination.

Anyway, I shrugged, and went back to killing freaks. I had already run out of Colt ammo, so I drew my knife and grinned. "I'm gonna' do a jig in your insides, freakbags!" I shouted, and then began stabbing the flesh-addicts.

Round one soon ended, and I took a quick look around. "Hey, who has 750 points for this door?" I called out.

"Not me," Nikolai said.

"I don't have enough either," Takeo added.

"Nothing here," Richtofen said.

"Nice try, Doc. I know you're lying," I replied.

He made a hurt face. "Vhy, Dempsey! I vould never lie to you!"

Then what about my feeling that we met before Shi No Numa? I thought to myself. But I wasn't going to blurt that out loud. Instead, I said, "Please. We all know that you always save your points for a precious MP40."

"Ja, zhat's right! I mean…erm…zhat's a lie!"

I smirked as Richtofen tried to weasel his way out of this. "It doesn't matter. I have enough already." My smile grew wider as the Doc glared at me for exposing his plan. Ah, I love pissing him off!

I grabbed the door's handle and opened it, revealing a small room. But all our eyes were drawn to one corner, which contained a glowing wooden box; the Mystery Box!

"Hell yeah!" I pumped the air and approached it, anticipating a new weapon…until I realized that I had spent most of my points on the door.

"Ah, Dempsey, vhat's zhe matter? Out of points?" Richtofen mockingly said. No doubt he was happy that my joke on him had now backfired on me. I gave a low growl in reply, and stomped out of the room. Some more maggotsacks had broken in, and I slaughtered them all, fueled by anger at my joke gone wrong.

Round two ended, and I was pissed off even more. Why? How about the fact that I was only 60 points short of hitting the mystery box? Or the fact that Nikolai, Takeo, and Richtofen each had enough? Yeah, if the god of luck was with standing there us, I would have ripped his guts out for a bandolier right there and then.

Tak was the first to hit the box, and got an AUG, lucky him. He was also happy with the gun, saying, "I cannot be defeated! Probably…"

Then, Nikolai had a go, and got a Spas-12. Dammit, even the box was mocking me now! "They stand no chance against this Soviet, hehe," my alcoholic pal said. "Hey, Richtofen! You going to use this thing or what?"

"Nein." The Nazi came back from the lobby. Strange. I never even noticed him leave. Anyway, the Doc continued. "I bought zhis instead. It should do zhe job nicely until I find an MP40," he said, hefting an M14. "Yes, now their kidneys vill be MINE! But none for you, Dempsey," he added, looking straight at me. "Maybe you should get something besides an empty pistol if you vant some."

Man, this just kept getting worse and worse for me. Flipping Richtofen the bird, I headed back into the lobby and (reluctantly) spent 500 points on an Olympia. At least I could now spill the guts of those undead flesh monkeys all over the place.

Round three started. I ran up to a maggotaddict, shoved my gun right in its face, and pulled the trigger. Its head EXPLODED (literally, EXPLODED), splattering my clothes with blood.

"Look at this mess I made…oorah," I commented.

A few more bonemaggots later, a glowing floating icon appeared. Finally my luck was changing! I picked it up, and the demonic announcer said, "Double points!"

"Hell yes! Just what I need!" I pumped the air. I would definitely have enough points for the Mystery Box now!

Now that I was cheered up, round three seemed to end in no time. Rubbing my hands with glee, I dashed over to the box and opened it. Immediately its ridiculously cheerful music began playing as its guns flashed before me, before settling on…a teddy bear.

"Oh what the – God damn it! Stupid piece of crap!" The giggle we got after receiving the teddy bear made me even madder. "Shut up!" I shouted at no one in particular. The box disappeared. I kicked the ground in frustration.

"The box is now being an honor-less one, I see," noted Takeo.

I had noticed another door at the end of the room. "Someone go open that," I said darkly.

"I will – but you now owe me some vodka," Nikolai said. He opened it, revealing another room. Big surprise there. This room looked like some kind of foyer.

"Oh, hello there, you bastard!" I said. The Mystery Box had teleported to this room! No way in hell was I going to let this chance go!

I stomped over to the box, flung it open, and glared at it as it cycled through its guns. It finally stopped at a Commando, and I cheered my head off.

"FINALLY something goes my way! Oorah!"

Another cheer came from my right. I turned to see Richtofen holding an MP40 above his head, that I guessed he bought off the wall. The Nazi was cackling his head off.

"Yes! Yes! The MP40! VUNDERBAR!" he was shouting.

"Good for you. You finally got that. Now can you open doors for us?" Nikolai interrupted.

"Ah, but of course, my dear Russian. Now zhat I have zhe BEST VEAPON EVER MADE!" he shouted again.

"Your decision has pleased the Emperor!" Tak approved. Richtofen opened the next door, and we entered a room filled with mannequins. I was guessing this was a dressing room of sorts.

None of us had enough points for the next door (yes, even the Doc), so we decided to hunker down and let the freaks come to us. At least, that was the plan, until we heard…

"Fetch me their souls!"


	2. Shoot the Slimes!

**Welcome back everyone! Yes, I know that I'm not updating this fanfic as frequently as I have with my past stories - I'll try to speed it up a little, if it makes anyone happier. Anyway, thanks to all who reviewed the first chapter:**

**Lily: Enthuastic as always. Happy late belated birthday!**

**Alyssa: I believe you meant Chapter 2...or maybe 3...either one works.**

**Sniper Typhoon Hedgehog: Yes, who would've thought? xD**

**A Random Person: Yes, I am very much alive and breathing**

**Task Force Metal: No offense taken. Thanks for your feedback - I'll try to make it better.**

**DeltaG: Actually, to be honest, I'm going to try out his idea. That probably made some people mad, but...hey, maybe I can make it work. In any case, at least it'll be fun to mess around with :P **

Chapter 2

**Nikolai**

"I think there are dogs coming at us now," I said.

"No shit," Dempsey shot back.

"But Mommy said not to hurt animals anymore!" Richtofen whined. Crazy nut, he was.

We formed a line facing the door we had come through. "Come, suka," I crooned as I checked my shotgun. "I have vodka for you!"

A ball of light formed, and one of the demon spawn…well…spawned. It ran towards us, until it got killed by Takeo. I shrugged. "You were three feet away. Big deal."

"Perhaps you could kill some demon spawn if you actually fired your gun from time to time," he retorted.

True. Why was I wasting time with this little man? More of the dogs were coming at us. "Down, suka!" I shouted as I blasted one back to hell. It exploded right in front of me. I spat, wiping my mouth. "Ugh…it got fur in my mouth!"

"Argh!" I heard Dempsey shout, and saw one of the demon spawn leap at him. He quickly stabbed it before I could shoot it off, and it fell. "That's the last leg you'll ever hump!"

"Good job, Tank," I congratulated. "Maybe I give you a small taste of vodka someday. Someday."

We killed the rest of the demon dogs, and a glowing icon appeared, which I picked up. "Max Ammo!" the disembodied little girl voice said.

"Just what the doctor ordered," I remarked.

Dempsey opened the next door, and we found ourselves standing in a theatre. But this theatre looked like a bunch of drunken Russians had visited it – chairs were overturned, there was rubble on the ground, and the projector was even broken! All it displayed on the screen was an endless countdown.

"Aw. No movie for us," I said sadly.

"Those seats, that screen…they wanted to implant the mind with instructions!" I heard Richtofen mutter to my left.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked. Was he drunk like me?

"Vhat? Uh, nothing, nothing at all, Nikolai, just, um…oh, look, zhe power switch!" He broke off and ran towards the far side of the room. He reached the switch, and flipped it. Instantly an electrical hum began.

"Oh! Sounds like a big monster is attacking the building," Takeo commented.

A scurrying sound drew our attention. It seemed to be coming from above us. We looked up, and I blinked. Some weird slime things, with gas trailing out of them, were coming down the walls! I sniffed, and immediately regretted it.

"Ugh, that smells disgusting, like my fourth wife…she pretty though…pretty and smelly, weird combo," I thought out loud.

"It can't be worse than your breath," Takeo mocked. I turned around and breathed on his face, laughing as he jumped back while waving his hand in front of him.

"You have no honor at all," the Japanese man growled.

"Guys! Quit bickering like a married couple and kill some of these creepy crawlers!" Dempsey shouted at us. He and Richtofen were busy shooting the new creatures.

"Good idea, Dempsey." Without hesitation, I aimed at a pair of the slime things with my shotgun and fired. "You know how to say "owned" in Russian? OWNT!" I yelled as I took them out. They left behind some weird green stuff when they died – did they have bad gas?

We were also being attacked by the regular capitalist pigdogs, and I was reloading, Richtofen shouted, "Nikolai! A present! Behind you!"

"What pre – ow! My shins!" It turned out that a crawler had snuck up behind me. I shot the hellpig in the face – no doubt it was trying to steal my vodka, the swine!

"No! It's my vodka! MINE! MY OWN!"

We finished off the rest of the zombies, and regrouped at (of all things) a teleporter that was sitting near the edge of the stage. Takeo immediately started talking about the slime things we had seen.

"No way were those things humans at some point!" he insisted. "They were so hideous, they had anti-honor!"

"Honor or no honor, they still got killed by this 5.56 millimeter magazine-fed gas-operated sweetness!" Dempsey proudly showed off a new gun that he had got – an M16, I think.

"I suspect zhey vere zhe failed experiments Dr. Maxis told me about," Richtofen mused. "Anyway, zhis teleporter looks interesting. Vhy don't ve enter it and see vhat happens?"

"Great things always happen when someone says "Let's see what happens"" Dempsey said sarcastically. Nevertheless, we piled in, Richtofen hit the switch, and I found myself floating in the blue land that was teleporting. It always gives me a small case of vertigo, though.

We emerged in a small room that contained a movie projector, a chalk outline of a grenade on the wall, and a machine that read "Pack-A-Punch". I decided to buy some grenades (no harm in having some boom with you, right?), while the others used the machine.

"Much better," Takeo remarked as he pulled out his upgraded gun.

"Too bad I still can't say the same about your face," I taunted. Meanwhile, Dempsey and Richtofen were fighting over who would go next.

"Vhy don't you shut your ignorant hole, Dempsey? And your mouth! I'm going before you!" Richtofen spat out through clenched teeth as he and the American tried to push each other out of the way.

"In your sick perverted twisted dreams, Doc!" Dempsey almost had his M16 in the machine until it was shoved away by Richtofen, and they continued their struggle. Takeo and I were watching this with bemused expressions.

"Like trained puppies, they amuse us!" I said to Takeo as I took a swig of vodka. He nodded in agreement. Wow, who knew that we would actually agree on something for once?

Dempsey had pinned Richtofen to the wall with one hand and was about to insert his gun into the machine with the other when we were suddenly flying through the blue land of teleporting again (still slightly vertigo-inducing). When it stopped, we were in another small room with a window. Then we teleported yet again, and ended up back where we started – the lobby area. Dempsey and Richtofen immediately restarted their fight.

"See? SEE?! Now because you were an asshole and didn't let me go before you, we _both _missed our chance!" Dempsey raged.

"Me? You vere the one who tried to butt in ahead of me, not zhe other vay around!" Richtofen barked back.

"Fortune never favors the greedy," Takeo quipped.

"Ah, see? Takeo agrees with me!" Richtofen said.

"Actually, I was referring to both of you," the little man replied. Richtofen's reply was a small "Oh".

"Guys, this arguing is giving Nikolai a headache," I interrupted. "Killing the minions of Satan is much more important, no?"

"_If the game is to work, yes," _someone said. I jerked. "What the – I thought I just heard someone speak…in my head"

"That voice? You're hearing it too?" a surprised Dempsey said.

"What dishonorable trickery is this?!" Takeo angrily said. He had heard this voice too, no doubt.

"Oh joy! A new voice to join zhe ones I already have in my head!" Richtofen clapped gleefully. "Zhey vere getting lonely up zhere, you know."

Our attention was abruptly drawn to the teleporter, which was humming and glowing. I guessed that someone or something was teleporting to us. But who or what was it?

"_Ah. I see the glitch has progressed," _the voice said.

"What are you talking about, strange voice in head?" I demanded.

"_You'll find out in a few seconds,"_ the voice said smugly.

**As I stated before, yes, I am turning this into a CoD/Sly crossover. To be honest, I have no idea how it'll turn out - maybe it'll flop and this fanfic will become a train wreck, maybe it'll work and it won't be so bad. Well, we'll see what the future holds. Hopefully none of you are too mad at the idea. You can stop following this if you are mad - I won't hold it against you. If you do decide to keep on following this, you'll find it under the CoD or Sly crossovers.**

**In any case, review and give some feedback please.**

***NOTE: Just some planning ahead here: my fanfic after this one will be set in WWII, but I've decided to let you readers choose which theatre it'll be set in. Just go to my profile page and the poll should be at the top. Hope to see some votes from you guys - the poll will be open until the end of this fanfic.***


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